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mrselfdestructh in scenebyscene

little advice

I was just wondering if any of you could give me a little advice on my script. how to maybe make the lead guy have more motivation and why we should care about him. Also just ideas that would maybe make this better. We basically have to write a set up for a full length movie. I feel I ended it at a very tense moment, It's not the end of the movie obviously. The question is should I maybe write more or is ending it like that leave people wanting more? thanks so much in advance

http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dfn6sd4f_1fhv464s7

Comments

hmm. don't take this as me being mean, but as constructive criticism.

Now, I suggest you get some free screenwriting software first of all. Best thing that ever happened to me, and great to export. it is called: celtx [www.celtx.com] for free download. It saved me from having to remember to do all the small stuff. Okay, now, as far as the dialog, I'm not really convinced it works 100% just yet. Keep working on it. It is close to being right. Yes, you should continue the story as well. Even though I read it, I was still confused most of the time. Though I must say your scene descriptions were fantastic, [something I have been working on myself], so don't loose that. I think you have a good story forming, but I would say continue working on it.

The intro is your hook for the film. if you don't grab the audience in the first five minutes, you have lost them for the entire film. The beginning did seem a little amateurish with the dialog, but that always ends up getting resolved over time.

I also have to say is, there is not really anything all to terribly different that any other horror film plot summary in here. Add in something unexpected. Don't force yourself to follow a formula. BREAK the formula.

Break down your script into three acts with five scene s each act. What am I talking about, you know that already, sorry. [I'm babbling].

ANYWAZ, if you don't hate me now, feel free to ask me any questions, maybe I'll let you read some of my other stuff, and you can rip on it. lol.
Thanks for the suggestions. I actually use Final Draft 7 which isn't free. Maybe the free software formats better. Also google docs screwed up most of the formatting. I think Im going to scrap most of this script because I want to go in a whole new direction now. This was for a screen writing class I was taking. Still thanks for your suggestions. I would like to read your scripts. Lol I don't hate you I know it needs work bad which is one reason I wanted to get some suggestions. After looking at it for weeks little things slip past and sometimes the story comes out like it was forced or something.
I know exactly what your talking about! there was one script I wrote in high school I found [graduated 2002], and read it and felt like throwing it in the trash. It was too amateurish, but then again we all start that way. squee!!!

I will now add you. Good people are head to find...