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frustratedpilot in scenebyscene

Sixty Scenes Exercize #6

I'm going to present a premise and a few main characters here. Then you as readers will add the scene descriptions as replies.

1) Don't be boring. (Well, that is Rule #1 in Storytelling, isn't it? :) )
2) You are not limited to one sentence in describing your scene, but brevity and clarity are the main thrusts of this project. There is no need to get into specific dialogue or action direction as such.
3) My hope is to have the treatment process done in ONE THREAD, with the next scene description posted as a reply to the previous one. Now, I know from experience that some writers are faster on the draw than others. If a scene is followed by DUAL replies, then if the second one is roughly the same as the first one, it should be ignored and the continuity stay with the earlier entry...but if the second scene is completely different and takes the story in a new direction, then I see no problem with having an alternate continuity. In fact, there can be ways to exploit such things. Theoretical example: "Detective James learns from the DNA lab that the homeless man is in fact Van Smid, so he goes to the school to find Marigold and tell her the news. NOTE: Continuity from here returns to original scene #37." If an alternate continuity is started, all subsequent scenes must have an A after the scene number. If a third continuity is started, the scene number must be followed by B, and so on for additional alternate continuities. But I want to stress that it's preferable to try to keep to one continuity, or two if necessary.
4) You are not limited to contributing just one scene in this story treatment...but the same writer is not allowed to post two scenes in a row.
5) We want to keep traditional story pacing. Scene #15 or #16 should be the start of Act II and scene #45 or #46 should be the start of Act III. What happens in the Act II/Act III transition (scenes #45~#46) should reflect what happens at both the Act I/Act II transition (scenes #15~#16) and at the story midpoint (around scenes #29~#31). The story should end with scene #60.
6) An example of the format:
HEADER: Scene #0
BODY of the REPLY: The FBI and Interpol spell out the legal hazards and penalties that await those who break Copyright law through illegal sale or distribution of this movie.
7) Keep to the main concept of the premise. Subplots can be fun and add greatly to a movie, but they can also derail a good narrative sweep.
8) You are free (and it is going to be necessary) to add your own characters. But remember that the scope of the movie is going to concentrate on the main characters.
9) Have fun and play nice.

If it turns out I need to add more rules I will.

GENRE: Science-Fiction/Thriller/Voyeurism
STORY PREMISE: A woman's new car records part of her life in more intimate detail than anyone expects...but it also may turn out to save her life.
MAIN CHARACTERS: KRISTI, a young mother who has just won a new car in a sweepstakes, JAIMIE, her preschool-age daughter. THE CAR is a high-tech top-of-the-line sports sedan, with all the latest features. An advanced computer, the Vehicle Management System (VMS), ties in all the usual automotive electronics with a bank of video cameras that look all around the car, a GPS that perpetually determines the car's position, and a mobile phone system that can be either turned on by the driver with a pushbutton or voice-activated by anybody in the car. The phone's microphones have filters so when the stereo system is playing the music/broadcast is toned down so anything said in the car can be heard clearly. Everything from the time the ignition key is put in the steering console lock till it is pulled out is sensed and recorded by the VMS and placed in a databank chip near the car's fusebox. The instrumentation data (speed, fuel, temperature, tire pressure, and so on) are also duplicated and recorded by the VMS. In short, the VMS witnesses all that happens in or around this car, and can provide this information to those who know how to access it.


Scene #1/Titles

At the car dealership--the first sequence begins when KRISTI slips her key into the ignition and the car starts. Sitting next to her is a dealer/M.C. of the sweepstakes prize party. He says, "We have our winner!" and congratulates KRISTI, who also picks up and hugs JAIMIE in her triumph. Surrounded by applause and happy music, KRISTI thanks everybody and arranges for JAIMIE's booster seat to be retrieved from their previous car and installed in the back seat of the new car. KRISTI herself sets JAIMIE in the booster seat, and together they take the car home. Their trip takes them from the dealership in the industrial area of a city to the cosy suburb neighborhood where they live.